Category: Uncategorized

Father asked us what was God’s noblest work.  Anna said men, but I said babies.  Men are often bad, but babies never are.
— Louisa May Alcott

Young Benjamin turned one on Saturday:

We stopped by Nate’s to watch football that afternoon, so I got to see the tiny people for the second weekend in a row, which is never a bad thing.

Later that night, David and I had dinner with Aimee and Tim at a Japanese steak house, which was so much fun.  I had a drink bigger than my head, called a Green Dinosaur, which was basically a Long Island Iced Tea with Midori instead of Coke.  It was good.  Our chef was fantastic, the food was probably the best I’ve had at a restaurant like that, and for once, I didn’t stuff myself (and I counted everything – I’m back on track, baby).

It was so great to spend time with Aimee again – I haven’t seen her in a while – and Tim and David hit it off, because they’re both kind of nerdy (as Aimee said to me on a trip to the restroom).  All in all, it was a great day!

Sometimes I’m confused by what I think is really obvious.  But what I think is really obvious obviously isn’t obvious.
— Michael Stipe

1. Parents who ride bikes helmetless but make their kids wear them.  Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean your brains won’t go splat if you get into an accident.  And by the way, nice message you’re sending to your kids.  And while I’m at it, if you’re going to go through the trouble of making your kid wear a helmet, why not be sure it fits him right?  I can’t count the number of helmets I see on kids (adults, too, actually) that are set at a jaunty side angle or sit too far back on the head.

2. Personalized license plates that tell you what kind of car it is.  “Mustng” – “My CRV” – “Benz” – I don’t know why people do this.  Do they think the rest of us are too stupid to figure out what kind of car they’re driving?  It says it right there on the car, but thanks for making sure I can’t miss it.  Have they simply always longed for a personalized plate but are too boring to think up something good? (Side note: the best license plate I’ve ever seen: PHQRSLF)

3. People who cannot be bothered to return their shopping carts to the proper area in the parking lot when they’re finished unloading them.  I mean, Christ, how hard is it to walk the cart 200 feet or whatever to the effing cart corral?  Are you really so damn lazy that you just hoist the cart up on to the median or leave it in the empty space next to you or squeeze it into the space between the curb and the car in the next space?  Give me a break.

4. People who friend EVeryone they know, or used to know, or think they might know, or would like to get to know, on Facebook.  I get a fair number of friend requests each week from people I went to high school with.  Sometimes these requests sit in my box for days, even weeks at a time, because I’m conflicted.  I graduated high school in 1994.  That’s a long effing time ago.  On a regular basis, I talk to exactly one person I went to high school with, and that’s Aimee.  There are a handful of other people I see from time to time, usually through my brother (who is close with several guys from my class), and one or two others I’ve reconnected with in the past five or so years with whom I maintain a mostly electronic relationship.

I’m not one of those people on Facebook who tries to amass as many friends as I can by friending everyone whose name is familiar or who I had 4th period Geometry with or shared the lunch table with in 10th grade.  It doesn’t interest me to share the information that I allow to be public on FB with the girl who threatened to beat me up in 9th grade because her boyfriend – who I didn’t even know had a girlfriend – kissed me.  And yes, that person recently sent me a friend request, which I promptly ignored.

I mean, really – what is the point?  Communication with at least half of the people whose friend requests I do accept, or who accept mine, is limited entirely to monitoring status updates and making the occasional wall post or comment, if that.  Usually the people who request to be friends (and yes, I’m aware of how lame this sounds – almost as lame as the (honest to god) 15-minute IM conversation David and I had about changing our relationship status on FB last August) don’t even send a “Hey, it’s great to see you on here, what have you been doing with yourself?” message.  And to be fair, I hardly ever send them, either.

So again I ask, what is the point of friending everybody you passed in the hallways for four years?  I confess that I occassionally go through my Friends list and unfriend people.  This is, in some circles, apparently a devastating thing to do to another person.  But if we’ve been “friends” for months, and neither of us has commented to the other on anything, I’m guessing you’re not even going to notice I’m not on your list anymore.

How do you handle friend requests from people you used to know?

5. Why my apartment complex charges pet rent on top of a pet fee.  I’m in the process of trying to transfer my lease from a one-bedroom to a two-bedroom.  Yesterday, the guy told me that, in addition to the ridiculous “transfer fee” of $700, I’m also going to have to pay a new $300 pet fee, because the fee I paid when I moved in to my one-bedroom is non-refundable and non-transferable.

The lady in administration told me the fee is applied to the cost of cleaning or replacing the carpet before the next tenant moves in.  Never mind that Pico, in all his born days, has never peed outside the litter box (except once when he was very young and had a UTI), and has never had fleas, and so it is unlikely that the carpet in my one-bedroom will need to be replaced and that $300 to clean 600 square feet of carpet is highway-god-damned-robbery.   But no one’s explained to me, then, if the fee is for the cleaning and/or replacement of the carpet, why the hell do I pay an additional $480 a year in pet rent?  One or the other would be fine, but both seems exorbitant to me.

I love everything about living here except dealing with the leasing and administrative offices.  Every time I turn around with this transfer thing, there’s some new fee no one told me about the first four times I discussed transferring.  It’s maddening, and it’s turning what should be a fun, happy thing into a giant ball of frustration and anxiety.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Share your complaints/confusions/rants in the comments, if you like.

The bowling alley is the poor man’s country club.
— Sanford Hansell

These are the rad bowling shoes David got me for Christmas:

They were actually kind of a joke, but I love them so much!  David bowls in a league (I was disappointed to discover they do not wear matching shirts), and a couple of months ago, I was with him at the pro shop when he was having some work done on his balls (hee), and they had a wall full of bowling shoes.  I never knew that the bowling shoes real bowlers wear don’t look anything like the bowling shoes you rent at the bowling alley.

Anyway, they had four or five different ones like this – black with red flames, white with blue flames, black with blue flames, white with pink flames, etc – and these.  I jokingly suggested to David that he get the black ones with the red flames and that I get the white ones with the purple flames, and then we could be that couple at the bowling alley with the matching bowling shoes.  We laughed and that was it.  Little did I know – well, actually I did figure it out – that he went and bought those shoes for me!

We bowled with his friends while we were in Michigan – every last one of them was better than me, even in my fancy new shoes.  Turns out, the shoes don’t improve your game – that takes actual practice.

The Conductor is three today!

He has grown into this amazing, funny, sweet kid, and I can’t even put into words how much I adore him.

I can’t believe this tiny baby turned into a whirlwind of a toddler, running all over, laughing his head off, jumping onto to me without the slightest bit of warning.  He is the best!  When he was born, they took him away for a while – I can’t remember why – so I didn’t get to hold him until the next day, but I remember just being awed at his presence.  He was the happiest (and giantest) baby I ever met, and even now he’s just so joyful.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him, taken when he was about eight months old.  He still makes this look now, like he’s this close to getting into some mischief.

I’m headed down to Richmond today for his birthday (and a belated Christmas), and I can’t wait to see him and give him a million birthday kisses!

“I’ll come to your birthday party and do an interview for a hot dog and a glass of orange juice.”
— Chris Jericho, pro-wrestler, on his willingness to do whatever it takes to give an interview

I’ve got some pictures and stories from Michigan to get up, but for now, let’s play the interview game.  Jane did it first, then Lydia, then Julie, then Lyrically.  Now it’s my turn (my questions came from Julie).

1. If you had a genie with three wishes, what would they be?  Wishes that you can’t pick are: more wishes, cash, and world peace.

I’m also going to abide by the rules of Aladdin: genies can’t grant wishes to kill people, bring people back from the dead, or make someone fall in love with you.

Hands down, my first wish would be that I could have my hearing back.  That’s a no-brainer.  My second wish would be that I could, somehow, be able to see how the lives of the Princess and the Conductor, and my eventual children, turn out.  My third wish would be to have one year to travel wherever I wanted, all expenses paid (that’s not the same as wishing for cash, is it?).

2. If you could be one person for 24 hours, who would you be and why?

I don’t know.  Maybe Jennifer Garner?  She’s married to Ben Affleck, and I’ve loved him for a long time.  But I’d like to specify that I would not like the 24 hours of her life that involves giving birth to her new baby.

3.  What is the one material possession you have that you can’t live without?

I’m not sure there’s anything that I literally couldn’t live without, but I sure do love my iPod and the fact that it connects directly to my processor so that the music basically goes right into my brain.

4. What is your most favorite song ever?

This was hard.  I’m going with I’m Alive, by Jackson Browne, but Champagne High, by Sister Hazel, is a close second.

5. If you found a baby on your doorstep, what would you do?

This was surprisingly easy – call the police.  One of the books I read recently – Blessings, by Anna Quindlen – was about this exact thing.  He did not call the police, but how could you just take a baby in without anyone wondering where it came from?

Want to play?
1. You leave me a comment saying “Interview me!”
2. I choose 5 questions and email them to you.
3. You post the answers on your blog.
4. You include this explanation and offer to interview others.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you email them 5 questions and the fun begins again!