Things I Thought But Did Not Say Before I Told You I’m Pregnant

Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.
— from Charlotte’s Web, by E.B. White

I just got mad at the girl working the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru because she was too cheerful. Pregnancy hormones are for real, y’all.

To David: This is the part of the pregnancy where you fend for yourself, and I eat whatever I can keep down.

Pregnancy books are not for the faint of heart. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, What to Expect.

My first week without a Weight Watchers meeting in literally almost 7 years. I’m free! This is so weird.

At 7 weeks, I’m pretty sure I just got my first offer to take someone’s seat on the Metro. Filing this dress under “Maybe in a few months.” #notshowingjustfat

I’m afraid of everything. Like, I don’t even jaywalk anymore, even when it’s obviously safe to do so. Is that normal?

Baby’s first baseball game. No beer and no hot dog. Sadness baseball. Just kidding. There’s no such thing!

Thing I said to David at 11 weeks: “I love sleep. Why are we having a baby?”

Cheese and carbs are all I want to eat? I *am* this baby’s mother!

Poor David.  Sometimes he’ll be just typing away on his computer and look over and see me crying for absolutely no reason other than that, like, Jim and Pam are going to be ok.

At 14 weeks, already I would kill for just 5 minutes of sleep on my belly.


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