Out of Touch

“But there I go again, looking for words to fill up a blank space.”
— J, May 10, 1994

You guys, I’ve got nothing. I mean, I could tell you about how I went to Greensboro last weekend to visit my grandma and came home with her bicycle, which I’ve since ridden several times (after replacing the tubes and buying a purple helmet) after not riding in years, and how I covet her new GPS system, and how we went to the farmer’s market and I’m now growing tomatoes on my balcony, and how when I was at Home Depot today I got inspired and bought a 36-inch planter and some Alyssum to grow out there, too.  I could tell you about that.

But the truth is, there’s only one thing on my mind and no matter what else I do, it’s all I can think about.  I’m working on finding a solution, one that’s both honest (for my sake) and respectful (for his), but I don’t know how long that will take.  Which is not to say that I won’t be back until then, only that I’m sad right now and it’s hard for me to write good, carefree, fun stuff (even though there is some of that happening) when I’m sad.

I want to tell you that I appreciate all of the comments and advice I’ve received – you’ve all given me a lot to think about.  If you think of anything else, don’t hesitate to share it.   Thanks for understanding.


4 thoughts on “Out of Touch

  1. I know how you feel…

    But, this is my philosophy, and you might be able to tell – when I’m sad, I keep on writing. Don’t feel the need to be just carefree and happy-happy-joy-joy if that’s not what you’re feeling.

    The honesty of your true emotions, even if you don’t think they are pretty is still amazing. I’ve found that putting my thoughts somewhere else, instead of keeping it all in my head is truly cathartic.

  2. Ditto. Having a blog to put my sad times has been a gift. Sometimes it helps to work it out there in the blog; sometimes its just a spot to put your confusion and let it marinate for awhile. Either way, it’s great therapy and I always feel better after I write about my sad times, even if I cried when I wrote it, and still cry when I read it today.

  3. You will get through this. This too shall pass. And no matter the outcome, you will be a better and stronger person for it.

    I’d love to still keep hearing from you, but understand if you need to go quiet for a while. Take care of you.

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