Month: July 2013

A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.
–from The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World’s Most Elegant Woman, by Karen Karbo

You guys, it’s a girl.

I will be 100% honest: I had a slight preference for a boy, and I convinced myself this baby was a boy, probably because of that preference.  In fact, in the days leading up to our anatomy scan, I had to remind myself that the baby could just as easily be a girl and to not let myself be disappointed if that turned out to be the case.

The day of the scan, two Fridays ago, as the ultrasound technician was getting ready, she asked, “If I can see the sex, do you want to know?” We said yes, and she put the gel on my belly and started moving the wand around.  The next thing she said was, “So, you’re having a girl.” It took me a minute, because for some reason I wasn’t expecting the sex to be the first thing she looked for,  but as soon as it registered, I burst into tears and looked at David to see his eyes filled with tears, and then I knew: It couldn’t have happened any other way.  She’s meant to be ours.

And all of a sudden, everything is real.  “The baby” is now “she” and “her.”  She has a crib and a car seat.  We painted her room blue, because fuck gender dichotomy.  She kicks me all the time and David can feel her from the outside.  We talk to her every day (to be fair, we’ve done that all along) – I speak for her in a silly voice and she and David go on and on and on.  That’s the best part of my day.

I don’t have any words for how much I love her already, and I’m afraid I’m in deep, deep trouble once she’s actually here.

Let us make pregnancy an occasion when we appreciate our female bodies.
— Merete Leonhardt-Lupa

So I have a blogging problem. When I get an idea for a post, it’s like I can’t post anything else until that post is written and published. Sometimes that’s ok. But the post I’m currently working on is massive – I’m trying to figure out if it’s better as a series of posts – and is taking a long time to write because the subject matter is a bit sensitive. So I haven’t posted anything else in the meantime because, as I said, I have a blogging problem

Screw that.

Pregnancy is weird, you guys. It’s not just that your body changes and you’re tired all the time and you can’t tie your shoes anymore (but seriously, 20 weeks is all I get before I can’t bend at the waist?). For me, it’s also completely changing how I look at my body.

Obviously, I started out heavy. I thought I would worry about gaining too much weight – as big as I was pre-pregnancy, I shouldn’t gain more than 10-15 pounds – but what’s actually happened is (a) I basically eat whatever I want, (b) the things I want generally do not include sweets (for real, I’ve had ice cream in my freezer for a week and eaten exactly 1 level scoop), and (c) I’m down three pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

That’s not bragging – in fact, I worry about it, though my doctor says as long as I’m keeping food down and not trying to lose weight, I’m good – it’s disbelief. The weight loss isn’t from morning sickness, either. Although I’ve had nausea and food aversions (mostly to sweets and meat), thankfully I haven’t had to deal with vomiting. The weight loss has come from not eating sweets like it’s my job the way I did before and from not stuffing myself. It’s as if pregnancy flipped the switch in my brain that allows me to eat like a normal person. I’ve left more food on plates in the last 20 weeks than I probably have in the last 20 years. I can’t overeat; it’s like there simply isn’t room. I really hope this sticks around post-pregnancy.

The other thing is, I do not worry about how I look. I mean, I care about looking presentable, but I don’t feel bad about what I see in the mirror before I leave the house anymore. My belly is rounder but probably still not obviously pregnant to most people, and still I don’t worry about wearing a shirt that’s too clingy around my midsection the way I used to. (And I’d like to sing the praises of maternity pants for just a second – so freaking comfortable.) It’s amazing how much easier it is to get dressed in the morning when I’m not worried about whether what I’m wearing makes me look fat (not sure why I wasted so much time on this before since, you know, it’s kind of indisputable that I am, in fact, fat). It’s really, really freeing.

Our anatomy scan is next Friday, finally! I know it’s for the purpose of measuring the baby’s organs and brain and bones and looking for any abnormalities, but I really hope baby gives up the goods on whether it’s a boy or a girl. David and I agreed to wait to discuss names until we know the sex, because we figure that eliminates half the conversation, plus, I’m just so curious! In the end, though, as long as baby’s healthy, we’ll be thrilled.

Hopefully it won’t be five weeks before I post again. No promises, though!