Men live by forgetting; women live on memories.
— T.S. Eliot

Is it really possible that I was wrong again? Maybe it’s too soon to say, but patience is not my strong suit.  More than one person has told me that men don’t have the same concept of time as women when it comes to things like this (and one less than helpful person said, “Was he drunk?  Maybe he forgot.”), and it isn’t as if I haven’t heard from him at all – I just haven’t heard the words I want to hear yet.

All this “play it cool,” “good things come to those who wait,” “don’t contact him” crap really makes me mad because it feels like a bullshit game, and it’s one I’m not interested in playing.  I don’t understand why, if I want to see him, I’m not “allowed” to just tell him so.  It’s not like I’m stalking him or hounding him relentlessly – I’m sending him a freaking text message, which he is free to ignore.  Relationship-wise, I’ve never gotten anything I didn’t go after myself; these things don’t just fall in my lap.  I’m the first to admit that I’ve been out of the dating game for a VERY long time, but it just doesn’t make any sense to me.

And what’s happening is, I’m beginning to doubt – him, the things he said, myself.  I remember the night we had, and I think, “He would never say those things and act that way if he didn’t mean it.”  Sometimes it helps, but sometimes I think, “What I mean is, I would never say those things and act that way if I didn’t mean it, so I really hope I can trust that he’s that way too.”

I don’t know what I hope to get out of writing this, but I’m going crazy leaving it all in my head.  Writing it makes me see that it’s probably a little obsessive, but I don’t apologize for that.  Things like this – meeting someone interesting who appears to be interested in me and says he wants to see me again – don’t happen to me, and I suppose I’m a little on edge trying to figure out what to do next.  Even if what to do next is nothing.  Christ, it’s a wonder to me people ever make it past this stage of a “relationship.”

I guess what I’m hoping for from you guys is just some perspective on the whole “call or don’t call” front.


6 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. I agree with you. You don’t need to wait until Sadie Hawkins Day to ask this guy out. I’m not a game player and all the “rules” made me crazy because they all felt like part of a game. Trust your gut.

  2. Most guys are pigs and will say anything, so start from there.

    If you decide to reach out, do it casually. Relationships happen over time. If it comes off like that’s what you’re looking for (even if it is) it will be a deterrent more than anything.

    In my experience, it is like a game. And by game I mean it should be fun, challenging, tricky, and keep everyones interest. Maybe contest is a better word.

    Oh, and don’t take advice from someone named Spike.

  3. I agree with Spike…except for the part about not taking advice from someone named Spike.

    I don’t think men look at building relationships the same way women do. Heck maybe they don’t think about building relationships at all! 🙂 And he’s right about working on a relationship over time.

    So I’d say (and I’ve been out of the dating game so long it’s probably foolish to even say anything) that you should contact him for some casual meeting and see how it goes. Like a lunch on a Sunday, or even take him to a ball game. See if he likes some of the same stuff you like. Don’t jump to conclusions that “This Is It.” Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but enjoy the ride along the way either way it goes.

  4. Huh. Well, what do you know? He IMed me about 45 minutes ago, and we’re having drinks Thursday after work. He said, “I can’t stay too long, but I really want to see you.” He was out of town for work until last night. Patience, young grasshopper.

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