Things I Thought But Did Not Say Before I Told You I’m Pregnant

Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.
— from Charlotte’s Web, by E.B. White

I just got mad at the girl working the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru because she was too cheerful. Pregnancy hormones are for real, y’all.

To David: This is the part of the pregnancy where you fend for yourself, and I eat whatever I can keep down.

Pregnancy books are not for the faint of heart. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, What to Expect.

My first week without a Weight Watchers meeting in literally almost 7 years. I’m free! This is so weird.

At 7 weeks, I’m pretty sure I just got my first offer to take someone’s seat on the Metro. Filing this dress under “Maybe in a few months.” #notshowingjustfat

I’m afraid of everything. Like, I don’t even jaywalk anymore, even when it’s obviously safe to do so. Is that normal?

Baby’s first baseball game. No beer and no hot dog. Sadness baseball. Just kidding. There’s no such thing!

Thing I said to David at 11 weeks: “I love sleep. Why are we having a baby?”

Cheese and carbs are all I want to eat? I *am* this baby’s mother!

Poor David.  Sometimes he’ll be just typing away on his computer and look over and see me crying for absolutely no reason other than that, like, Jim and Pam are going to be ok.

At 14 weeks, already I would kill for just 5 minutes of sleep on my belly.

Liar, Liar

“I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It’s awful. If I’m on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I’m going, I’m liable to say I’m going to the opera. It’s terrible.”
— Holden Caulfield, in The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger

Tuesday’s Writing Group prompt: Tell us about a lie you’ve told.

I am a terrible liar and so, as a consequence, I rarely lie.  As an adult.  As a kid? Different story.

The very first lie I can remember telling happened when I was 4.  I was in pre-school and some of the other kids were talking about some tv show – a cartoon, I think – that had recently aired.  I hadn’t seen it, because I wasn’t really allowed to watch tv, but I desperately wanted to be part of the group, so I said, “Well, when I saw it, . . . ” and proceeded to make up something that probably didn’t make any sense.  I don’t remember what I said happened, but I know the other kids were not buying it.

Rock Star

“Place settings (not plastic; all forks must have four prongs).”
Van Halen 1982 tour rider, via The Smoking Gun

Today’s Writing Group prompt: Name 5 items you’d demand to have everywhere you went if you were famous enough to do so.

How fun is this?  I love to read the stars’ riders and I wonder if it’s really true that, for example, Jennifer Lopez demands an all-white dressing room, right down to the flowers, or whether there’s any truth to the “only ___ colored M&Ms” rumors I’ve heard about any number of people.  So, let’s see – what would I demand?

1. Cheese, obviously.  Lots of cheese (I’m a simple girl – cheddar, smoked Gouda, Swiss – nothing too smelly or soft) and assorted crackers.

2. Champagne.  Ever drink champagne straight from the bottle?  Try it – it’s SO fun.

3. Chocolate fountain with assorted things for dipping – pretzel rods, strawberries, marshmallows, graham crackers, etc.  I once went to a conference with one of these and a huge buffet of stuff to dip.  It was, uh, not my finest moment.

4. Massage table with warming device and a massage therapist on call.

5. Game room – ping pong, pool, air hockey, puzzles, board games, cards, etc. – fun for all ages!

(I write each day’s post without looking to see what others in the group have said so far so as to avoid any undue influence.  This was the first day I was sorely tempted to look first.  I didn’t, though, and so I suspect my list is a bit pedestrian, but I’m really looking forward to seeing what everyone else came up with!)

Uniform

“There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?'”

“The mood will pass, sir.”

— from The Code of the Woosters, by P.G. Wodehouse

Today’s Writing Group prompt: If you had to (or could!) wear the same thing every single day, what would you want it to be?

I’m not a girl who loves stalking around in heels, though I love shoes, and I hate the days when I have to wear suits for my job (I . . . may be in the wrong line of work).  I see girls in D.C. every day who are super put together and fashionable, and I envy them, but I accept that I’ll never be one of them.  Instead, I’m a big, big fan of great-fitting jeans with a short-sleeved t-shirt over a long-sleeved t-shirt.  So comfy.

Use Your Words

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
— Winston Churchill

Today’s Writing Group prompt is an image.  Rather than post it right here for you to see, I am going to try to describe it for you.

I have noticed in commenting on other people’s posts during this challenge that my descriptors need work.  I default to “this is awesome/perfect/great/beautiful/etc,” without being able (or, maybe, really taking the time) to say more.  I also often fall back on “this was so, so ______.”  Weak sauce.  So I am going to put the picture after the jump and describe it for you.  When I’m done and you have a picture in your mind’s eye, click through to see how well it matches up with the actual image.  OK?  Ok.  Let’s do this.

This picture is a black and white photograph.  It appears to have been taken several decades ago, probably in the 1960s or 1970s.  There is a chessboard featured prominently at the bottom of the frame and the picture is taken from an angle level to the chessboard, which appears to be on a table.  In the very near foreground, the white king stands tall.  Its edges are slightly blurry because the focus in the picture is on the man behind it (we’ll get to him in a minute).  Two rows to the right of the king, and three to four rows back, the white knight stands in left profile on a white square.  In the back of the picture, a man leans down, his chin touching the chessboard.  He wears a black sweater, possibly with a white shirt underneath, and a blank expression.  He is not unhandsome.  The right side of his face from his chin to his eyebrow is obscured by the king in the foreground.  Due to the angle of his head, his forehead is slightly furrowed.  He is looking at the king, not at the camera.  His hair is combed neatly.  He has thick eyebrows and two moles on the left side of his face, one just above his full lips and one right below his eye.  His visage fills nearly the whole frame, save a bit of negative space above each of his shoulders and the slant of the chessboard in front of him.

Ok, I think that’s everything.  Got a picture of him in your head?  OK.  Click through.

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